What's better than...

backspace. delete. pull out. remove. throw. bury.
sleep.


~.~

Have been enjoying a roller-coaster ride for the past year, savouring every moment through the ups and downs, and the highs and lows. No evident plateaus spotted thus far and it's simply amazing how so many things have changed.

And if i were to fall one day, my hope is to fall from the highest point... because i know the harder i fall, the higher and the quicker i will bounce back. yes, this is definitely what im looking for, though i'm not discounting the fact that i may die on the spot, face-down. (lol i prefer something dramatic and tragic.)

So long as the long term trend is going up, never mind the short term fluctuations.

Had two unexpected wake up calls today. Loss of focus is really a scary thing. =/

I'm back, world!

Had the most interrupted nap this afternoon: 3 sms-es and 3 calls @.@

Stumbled upon a beautiful sad song.

* Best listened to during the middle of the night. My whole mood sank by a few rungs after listening to it =/ but I thought it really suited the timing of the day lol.



I'm trying to collect nice songs that I can listen to at late hours (like 2am?)...
u know, when you're alone and when almost everyone is asleep, with good music as company, u get the chill when the music keeps playing. especially when ur half asleep, closing your eyes but your ears are subconsciously listening to the lyrics. Anyone? send me! =)

Xiong/leng reminded me of this song that I used to love so much.

And yes, it does feature the infamous mouthless cat in it:





hello kitty, tolong aku?
lol i'm not too sure whether she is smiling but anyhow, enjoy the song!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wanna get a grasp on the first-hand experience of an ex dota-addict? Read on or find any other things that will interest you in this page or just click the X button. Feel free to recommend this page to your dota-infested friends =)

My memory always fails me so I just want this post to be a reminiscence of dota's good times and... bad times. But before we start, please be warned that it's some long text coupled with heavily-loaded images ahead.

Now, shall we begin?



One hundred and sixty-five;
1...6...5... days without dota.


For 5 years, the popular LAN/online gaming at any particular point of time will be either

• DotA & WoW,
• Dota & CS (yes it's my initial),
• DotA & COD or
• DotA & L4D.

From v5.84c till v6.xx now, DotA's fad never dies. It has never failed to live up to expectations and has never, ever, been out of popularity. And just by hearing Lich, CM, SA, stuns, blink or any other dota heroes and skills, chills would be sent down the spines of all dota players, me included (okay, i know i'm exaggerating lol).

It feels so so good to play dota. I played for 4 freaking full years and i loved it so so much that i could literally call dota (and books) my gfs. They argued kinda often. But me being me, my time-management skills (ss detected) allowed me to devote enough time in both. so they could actually still live in harmony lol.


And people asked me, how did i stop dota so easily?! well, there is obviously a motivation behind my stopping dota but too bad, it is the only part of the full confession that will be kept a secret. Seriously, it is that simple. Just stop playing, tell your mind to stop and you will!


The 'uninstall warcraft' trick won't work if your mind is not engineered to uninstall it. In fact, one of my friends (ek hem, L&F lol) have reinstalled many times but they are still playing it! lol. And you may be surprised to hear that I still have war3 in my hard disk, and as a matter of fact, the garena and ventrilo icons still appear on my desktop! swt


Now moving on to confessions.

I was a disciplined kid (i still am =p). In fact, I was so disciplined that i woke up at 7-7.15 every off day (no-class day) just to play dota. Cool? I would sometimes dream of dota and my heart would be beating so fast that I had to wake up and cure this addiction lol. And no, u won't understand what no-life is. But at least, the everlasting effect of this symptom is good: now i can wake up early at any time! ask anyone around me? =)

On top of that, I would spend hours on forums to study dota. We even had formulae to calculate what items you should buy at what stage, which skills to learn before which and/or which skills to throw at the enemy first.


Apart from causing mental disruption (as some would call it because we need dota drug) and time-wasting that could seriously damage your life, almost all other aspects of dota are good if you know how to control yourselves!

First, it is a stress-reliever. Killing people in-game, assisting teammates and dying (and shouting profanities) bring some feel-good factors. But okay, there is a bad side to it as I have encountered three separate incidents where my good friends actually argued with each other over ks (kill-stealing) issues. lol but another upside is that you would learn anger management along the way too =p

Second, it improves your typing speed. When the game develops so fast and backstabbing happens every other minute, you would have to learn to type fast. What i enjoyed the most was scolding people (non-friends in pub games) while i was being revived. Just imagine when the death timer starts ticking and you would have 30-90 seconds to scold as much as you want. lol syok like crazy.

Third, it improves your vocab. Being someone who had 1 year of malay (and jawi!) education in tadika and 10 years of education in a chinese school, and without much exposure to english-speaking people around, you would have guessed how my english vocab's like. Limited, yea that's the word. DotA taught me a lot of words that I would otherwise not have encountered elsewhere. And seriously, those non-gamers who think that most games use low quality english, I am here to tell you that you're wrong! =)

December 08 - January 09 was the best and worst dota period of all. The best part? I met three pro and nice kaki's (not sure whether i should list their names here but the initials are L,F,H lol. u know who u are.) Those were easily the most enjoyable dota sessions that i have ever had for 4 years - no offence to those who teman me play before that.

We actually had a clan (yea Xn.C) and played clan wars almost every night. And we even installed software so that we could speak to each other in real time. I enjoyed the arguments we had on picking roles and heroes but the best thing in a team game was that we knew that we could count on each other and that each of us would be willing to sacrifice anything in-game to win as a team.


During that period of time, my normal working hours were from 8.30 to around 8.30. I would get home immediately after work, have dinner and sit in front of the pc waiting for my kaki's to come online. The weirdest thing is that even though i often slept at 2+ and woke up at 7, i felt energetic all day long even when i was working. I did yawn a lot while working but my mind was as sharp, and that my commitment to my work never diminished. Quality of the work was assured too, so much so that the partner and director liked it a lot. =D


And I don't know whether this is normal but the best part of dota that I like is to start things afresh. Each game brings something different and will rarely be the same. Events are different, actions are different so of course, the outcome will be different too.

For those who have played with me for a long time, they would have noticed that I love to play the opening 10 mins and that I suck especially at late game. I am not sure why either but I guess the reason is that I like to start things out in the best possible way? It's similar to the Pokemon's concept when you save and load the game every 10 seconds just so that you will meet rare pokemons instead of the same old boring ones in the bushes or that you can hypnotise or use ultimate skills successfully every time. lol



Last month's exams were really a special testing time for myself. While in the previous years, I would have struggled a lil bit to stop dota, I had never failed to motivate myself to get good results. But remember that i said i was disciplined? Right, i would stop dota 1 week before exams without failure everytime, almost everytime i mean, okok i meant most often that not or err... maybe 'a simple majority of the time' is more accurate lol.

And you know what, I thought about this critically and I think the real reason could be attributed to the fact that while I was going for personal achievement in the prior years, my subconscious mind had been telling myself to get good results to justify the view that all the hours spent (most poeple read it as 'wasted') on dota do NOT affect one's results!

Fortunately, I think the exam for this sem went okay eventually. But it's most probably because i'm lucky to have open book exams for 3 out of 4 papers!


Dota is not a bad thing after all but unless u know how to find a balanced lifestyle, please leave it alone. I was not good in handling it, and that was why i stopped.

I have been wanting to write out my thoughts about this a long time ago and I guess this is the time to release it. For those who want to stop dota addiction (namely L, F, H and others), please contact the hotline: 999. =)

I have taken a big step and I am set for more. But before that, I just need a day some time soon to hibernate and recollect all my thoughts. Self-renewal is in the list.

* Some parts are fictional but most are facts. haha.

"A happy cat, an extremely happy bird or two happy birds?

"A <insert disgusting stuff> , a ocean-deep shit or two deep shits?'

"Quality, quantity or don't bother - choose another one?"

~~~~

Although i used lots of shits in my two latest posts, this doesn't mean I'm having constipation ok! lol

On another note, I think my blog layout has changed. Anyone noticed that or is it just me? Nvm, I think I'm dreaming. It will change back once I wake up...or maybe not. =)

Have you ever wondered...

why don't people just eat the simplest and plain-est food,
why they spend tons of money on food,
why they waste so much time and effort preparing food,
why they just can't stop thinking about food, and..
why they enjoy food as if it is the most wonderful thing in the world,

... when they know that the final outcome, be it watery, mud-like, rod-like, cone-like, or yellow, green, blue, brown or black in color, is still... shit?

The reason is simple. Just enjoy the process!

"Live, just like how you eat - Don't stop eating even if you already know the outcome is shit."

lol enjoy the exam guys & gals: the final 6 papers in taylor's/unisa.

24 May

random numbers

break in - +/- 42 days
exam in - +/- 27 days
assignments due in - 5, 8 days
conference in - 6 days
gbc result, dinner in-1 day
asgt draft to be completed in - 2 hours
pee in - 2 mins
korek my nose in - 1 min

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 May

Before my nap:
cs: i think im going for a haircut this week.
mom: hmmm, i thought u had it trimmed not long ago?
cs: oh, i wanna appear smarter for the dinner and the conference next week.
mom: but u will be too handsome, later all girls flock to u.
cs: ...

During my nap:
i dreamt of someone singing kelapa song. either that or someone was actually singing.

After waking up from my nap:
sis: eh, i know how to sing coconut song d: C~~O~~C~~O~~N~U~T, coconut, kelapa, coconut, kelapa... o~~
cs: ...

not funny i know, just random. but while u r reading this, flex ur face muscle and smile. if u have a mirror, even better. look into it and just smile for 5 seconds.


....congratz, u just smiled like an idiot for no reason =)


~back to asgts~magic touches?~ 順其自然

When the assignments deadline looms, when a special project goes under way, when ur brain cant absorb all the things that come to u, and ...

when u dream of bananas in pajamas,


u know the nightmares have just begun! =)



take a lil break. 也无风雨也无晴t

Added 3 may 2009:
ever wondered why my emotions are rarely very extreme- like feeling super happy, sad, disappointed, angry or emo? secret's revealed now! i think it's because that my mind tend to 'rehearse' something that i have anticipated. it's something like chess where u anticipate many variations of moves in advance, and it won't only be just 1 move in advance, it can be 5, 6, 7, tens, to twenties. if ur opponent makes a move that is so different from what u would have expected, then ur not a chess player! so essentially, i would hv predicted something to happen anyway.

so.. seriously, i think i have the chess player syndrome lo, i hide my feelings, trying to have a straight face or most of the time, act dumb (making stupid facial expressions lol).

and somehow, i also think that i have the self-consoling and self-motivating capability. for girls, their aunties visit them once a month. for yours super-duper ultra sincerely, my uncle visits me once a year - in the month of apr/may. lol it is a month where i get emo easily and this could be due to many many factors. it happened last year too but i guess once my mind starts to wander around the possibility of success and failures, ups and downs, thrills and dullness, expect a lower possibility of the best to come about and expect for the worst to come, i start to feel better and more positive.

it's the weird thing in me, so... the next time if something happens and ppl ask me 'don't u get upset by this?', 'aren't u disappointed?', 'why are you not surprised?', u can expect my response to be "no-lah, deja-vu, i already knew that it will happen! lol' =)

This happens when you are thinking of too many things at a time - scattered pieces of thoughts.

1. I believe in chances and luck. Be ready to strike them when they come though.
2. I like short hair that is a bit longer than crew cut. I look smart and decent =p
3. I like a big big, wide wide, teeth-baring smile/grin, just as how i taught my cat to smile. =D
   
4. I used to wish to have bigger eyes but come to think of it now, CS brand does not come with such eyes and is more suited to smaller ones.
   
5. I am confused now but less confused than yesterday. Mind you, not in terms of sexuality lol.
6. Red hot baby!
7. Gonna be cleaning up my desk at such wee hours just coz I'm waiting for something. lol
   
8. Post ends here. If you can understand all the above, this post is not meant for you because it is supposed to confuse you.

Good luck and all the best to my readers. May luck be by your side.

Final year, yes, final year... I am on my way towards completing my Final Year. It is the same mixed feeling when you were still in Form 5: you want to grow up and move forward but you just won't know what the future has in store for you. It is a never-ending paradox.

But it's not a matter of choice because the time will come eventually. 9 months may seem a long way to go from now but time flies, maybe even faster than Superman.

After 19 years + living in this world, I realise one thing. Since going through my internship stint that ended less than two weeks ago, I realise how important (at least for myself) it is to leave an impact wherever we go. But of course, the impact has to be positive in one way or another!

.. And in our whole life, if we don't leave a footprint or a single trail, what is the exact purpose of living?

I once told my friend through msn that I want to die as a legend.
Yes, I will.

But just for this final year, let us all start making impacts.
Make everyone like you (I agree with Mr Goh)
Make everyone remember you!

Have fun guys & gals.

This year shall be the year to be remembered when you turn 50 or 60 next time ;)

Make an impact today!

(sounds like a slogan for a charity event :D)

----------
Notepad:

My resolution/ to-do list:

1. TUC-CPA Student Charter (Accounting Club)
There is not much point in leading a society without making some impacts right? But seriously, this is the first time that I become the president. oh wait, this is after discounting the fact that I got the president post of the petanque club without having played that game before. lol

2009 - It's time to restructure and implement good systems, besides having more events to benefit the members. It's also a good time to start networking with people!

2. Studies
6 HD's 2 D's, possible? I don't know =.=

3. Gain knowledge / insights of many many things. Research!
This area is wide but there are too many things that I want to learn and be comfortable with.
Career options and economic news are on top of my list now. Planning to pick up golf, maybe within next 5 years? haha

4. Some competitions maybe?
Win 1 or 2? Let's see. :P